Staying the course.

I just read a post I wrote last August about Aiden and how wonderful he was doing at his 2 year mark in our family.  Sadly, I wish I could say he has stayed the course and even done more healing in his little heart.  It simply is not the case.  I struggle even attempting to write about what we are going through with our sweet son.  Why? Because I am totally for adoption and I don't want my words or heart to be misunderstood.  I believe all children at any age deserve a chance to be in a family.  

My Aiden has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RADS). He has struggled for three years to bond with Dave and I.  And, if I have to be honest, we have struggled to bond with him as well.  I am not saying we don't want to or that we don't love him, I'm saying it is hard to bond with someone that keeps your completely shut out of their lives.  A child like Aiden who has had multiple placements and a ton of rejection has a no trespass sign near their heart.  

Since May our family has gone through more then we signed up for.  In August, Aiden's outburst and anger reached an all time high.  We are holding him for hours repeating how much we love him and that we are never going to leave him, as we hear lots of ugly, angry words come from him.   He is a scared little boy.  He is scared that he can't trust us to be there for him forever.   My hope is to prove Aiden wrong, to prove to him that he will always have us and we will always have him.  My hope is to create a heart to heart connection. 

Am I afraid of what could happen or is happening? No.  I truly trust God completely.  God is for Aiden and I know Jesus can heal his heart.  I know one day Aiden will be able to feel the love that Dave and I have for him and most importantly, he will be able to feel the love of Father God.

His grace is sufficient.  A week or so ago I felt like a bucket of grace had been dumped on me.   I knew I needed grace to walk through this unfamiliar territory, but hadn't prayed for it.  God is so good and He knows our very needs even before we ask.  I felt like I was drenched in grace, sweet grace.  

Be encouraged if you a going through a difficult time, with adoption or anything in life, because God is for you!  He's got this, just trust Him completely.  Rest your head on His chest and move to the rhythm of His heartbeat.